A Hunting Wife’s Communication Breakthrough

Written By: Jocelyn Rebisz //

I woke up early yesterday to drive my hunters to their stands. When I got home at 5:45 AM, I sat down and wrote my heart out about the peace and joy I feel during this season of hunting. 

Unfortunately my phone died as I was writing the last few lines, and that whole post was lost. 

I threw a little fit, but quickly got over it because just as my phone died, my little kids were waking up. I knew this because of the screaming! (Happy screaming?)

I guess that will be a blessing to you because my thoughts are now more streamlined as I write this.

I think my main source of success in finding the peace and joy I have in hunting season (besides Jesus) is setting boundaries and using a breakthrough communication technique.

I used to have moments of rage, moments of loneliness, and even despair. I know it sounds crazy or dramatic, but hunting season wrecked me.

I’ll be transparent about myself and my situation so you can get an idea of why it seemed like that. It will be helpful to you in discovering what changes you can make to be happy and healthy. 

I’ve also referenced a few resources that have helped me, so please check out the links below.

I’m an INFP in the Myers-Briggs personality test. That means I’m introverted, intuitive, feeling, and perceiving. It’s funny when you consider that my husband’s personality type is ESFJ, which is almost my opposite. He is extroverted, sensing, feeling (but with a tie score in thinking), and judging. 

Where I hibernate, he adventures. Where I know things intuitively, he has data and facts. Where I feel, he thinks. And where I perceive and change course as needed, he plans and plows ahead. 

That causes some interesting dynamics in our relationship, as you can imagine. And don’t all those interesting things come to a head during hunting season? 

Our different personality types certainly create some obstacles in the way we communicate.

If I come forward with introverted, intuitive, feelings-based talking points, my husband can quickly and easily argue all those things away with simple logic. This is something we’ve been able to overcome, for the most part, because I’ve persevered in explaining my thoughts and feelings… 

… and because I’ve talked to him about how different our personalities are. 

…and because I’ve been proven correct on numerous occasions. (Wink!)

So now he tries to put on his listening ears and interpret what I’m saying into logical man-speak. 

I’ll give you an example:

My husband used to miss important family gatherings because the barometer said he should be in the woods because the deer are going to be moving. We had many “discussions” about this, and then one day I had a communication epiphany.

I decided to tell him what was on my heart one more time, but this time I did things a little differently. And I ended up learning an important lesson on timing. 

As he was walking out the door to go to the woods, I told him that I had something important to say. I asked him to please not respond at all, but to go to his tree stand and think about it. 

As a side note, this is a very good communication technique because it pulls the plug on the natural human tendency to be defensive. 

Very calmly, I said something along the lines of, “Joe, you hunted hard before we had kids, and you’ll be hunting hard when our kids are grown. But right now, we have Halloween with our kids, birthdays, Thanksgiving, caroling, band concerts, etc. And when you miss those moments, you can’t go back and make those memories again. Those things are not going to last forever. Then you’ll be back out in the woods as much as you want. You can wait days for a 3 1/2 year old buck then. But if you miss out on showing up for our kids right now, that’s all you’ll have. A lonely old guy out in the woods, hunting as much as he wants, but no family around to enjoy it with. Please think about investing time in our family while you can. It’s just for this season of life.”

Things changed after that conversation. Joe hasn’t hunted on Halloween (the peak of the rut) in years, and he’s in most of our family memories. Yay! 

I’m glad I stuck to my guns even though I’m not a good arguer. The boundary I set was to not sit by and let my husband miss our life without at least talking about it. And from this, I gained a new communication skill: give space for the person to go think about it.

So this is where I’ll leave you for today…

If your experience has been similar to mine, start here:

First, use the Myers Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) to give you a better understanding of your (and your husband’s) personality type. This will be really helpful in finding the most effective way to communicate.

Next, practice pulling the plug on defensive responses in your partner by being calm and giving him time to think out in the woods.

Pro Tip: Don’t use control, manipulation, or guilt-tripping in your communication to the people you love. Release them to their own keeping and watch them learn to make good choices that are healthy for them and your family.

What communication techniques have worked for you and your hunting husband? Comment below.

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HELPFUL RESOURCES

Delightful, easy to understand explanations of personality types

MBTI Personality Test

Boundaries – book by Henry Cloud and John Townsend

Boundaries.Me – coaching for healthy relationships and improved mental health

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